Parents Page
Welcome to the parents page. This page is intended to help you as parents in any way I can. I have provided a few links on this page for you. If you have any suggesstions for things that should be on this page, please don't hesitate to let me know.

Feb 09 -
My goal for our teens is to teach them how to be disciples of Christ so they can go and make disciples as Jesus commanded all of us to do.

We are beginning to grow in number again which is encouraging. On Wednesday nights, we meet in the fellowship hall. I encourage you to send your teenagers to join us. If you are curious about what goes on, come and hang out with us. Parents are always welcome to our services. We would love to have you.

We will continue to pray for your teenagers and that they will learn what it means to be a disciple of Christ. Jesus is looking for those who are willing to "follow Him" which is what we are trying to do. If you don't have a personal relationship with Jesus, I encourage you to come and join us to find out what that means. If you are interested in Bible Study with other adults, you are welcome to join the group that meets with Pastor Jon Shellenberger in the Sanctuary on Wednesdays at the same time the Youth Group meets.

If you want to know what it means to follow Jesus today or what that is all about, you can call me or check out this section of our website. Thank you for trusting us with your teenager(s).

-- Paul

-- November - December 2007

Dear Parent(s),

If you don't know me, I am Paul McKee, the youth pastor here at Derby Nazarene. I am writing to you today about some concerns I have about teenagers in general in our society today which includes those who walk through our doors every week. Please feel free to call me any time at the church or email me at ypp@adrush.org.

If you have been paying attention in the media over the past decade or more, you have heard it preached to us as parents that we need to give up control over our kids. More and more cases of discipline of a child are being reported and treated as abuse. We as parents many times have given in to the pressure put on us by our lenient society and held off from disciplining our children when they deserve and need discipline.

Speaking to you as a parent of a teenager myself, I want to take a few minutes to talk to you about the importance of taking back control of your teenagers and children. This is not a letter to teach you how to parent or undermine your parenting skills. It is meant to encourage you and remind you that it is not only okay for you to discipline your child, it is your responsibility.

I have spent time as a Police Officer so I have seen the worst of people in the worst of circumstances. Being a Pastor is along the same lines in that you are with people in some of the hardest times of their lives. I work with teenagers at the church and in the community which is what I have been called to do. Teenagers are hurting more than you think from the freedom many of them are given by their parents. They need those boundaries and are looking for them. If they don't find boundaries they will continue to go deeper and further which will have horrible consequences down the road.

I have seen teenagers whose parents don't care what they do and never question them about anything in their lives. Those parents often see their children arrested, hospitalized, addicted to drugs and in many other terrible situations. Those same parents blame society for coming down on their kids and yell at the Officers that arrest them. What they don't realize is that those kids are there many times because they didn't stand up to them. There are other situations where the children rebel and no amount of proper parenting could have kept them from doing it. Some kids rebel from the moral teachings of their parents.

My son knows that I have the power to take away all but his air supply when he goes against my rules. I heard one teen tell me that his parents can't take away something that he pays for. I informed him that was not true because they are the authority. As long as you aren't breaking the law in your discipline or neglecting them in some immoral way, you have to take control of their lives. What you teach them today is vital to how they live their lives in the future.

Over the past few months here at Derby Nazarene, I have had numerous conversations with teenagers. Some are having problems at school that are minor on the surface but extremely important to them. Others are into some serious stuff such as drinking, taking drugs, sexual relationships with their boyfriend or girlfriends, and smoking among other things.

I want to encourage you to talk to your teenagers about all of these things. You as a parent need to demand nothing less than complete honesty from your kids. So many times, and I have been there myself with my son, we are afraid to ask the question because we may not like the answer. We have to ask those tough questions and be ready for the answers no matter what.

Proverbs 22:6 states "Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not turn from it."

Just as I have talked with teens, I have also had some great conversations with some of you parents. Some of you have expressed to me how perfect you think your child is. Please let me remind you that nobody is perfect and be careful to put that label on them. If you are certain that your child isn't doing the things I have mentioned, please take a moment to speak with them specifically about these things and ask them point blank if they are doing these things.

You have the right to look through their rooms and belongings because you are the parent. You need to know what is going on in their lives and you need to demand honesty from them. Let them know that their room is not off limits to you as parents.

One important part of demanding honesty from them is being able to take the truth. Please remember that you and I never were and still are not perfect. That is where God's grace comes pouring in on our behalf. Your teen needs to understand that even though there are consequences for sin and breaking the rules of your house that there is also a large amount of love that comes from you. You need to reassure them (and be prepared to do this) that you love them unconditionally.

Unconditional love is what they should expect and what they deserve from us as parents. We may not agree with what they are doing but we love them no matter what. Again, consequences are real and punishment and discipline are part of those consequences. One family I knew grounded their teenager from almost everything because of his actions which included lies about his involvement. I promise you that after he got over his initial anger, he respected his parents' actions and even agreed with them. He began a process of building the trust back up with his parents and after a while was able to get their trust back. He went on to straighten out his life with Christ and is living a Christian life today.

We live in an age where so many question whether there is absolute truth or not. I am here to tell you that there is in fact absolute truth. God is the only God and the Bible is God's true and holy Word. Our direction needs to come from God.

Let this letter remind you that through many avenues our teenagers and children are being hit many times a day with sexual images and alcohol use which makes it seem so appealing to them. The line has been blurred and in many cases erased all together for them. Many teens I talk to don't see the harm in what they are doing and some even tell me their parents allow them to do it. That has to stop.

Finally, if you have never been to church or haven't been for a while, I would like to invite you to come to Derby Nazarene. We would love to have you and be able to minister to you and worship with you. I would also like to invite you to come on any Wednesday evening to our youth group services. Parents are always welcome in our services.

If you can't make it to our services but would like to hear the messages to find out what your teenager is being taught, I am working on getting the messages online on our website which is www.adrush.org. Feel free to check out our site for the latest information about our group and to find out what is going on.

Thank you for taking time to read this letter. I pray that this letter serves its purpose and encourages you to get involved in the lives of your kids. You are the most important role model they have. No matter how many times I preach the truth to them, they will still look to you for their direction. That is the way it should be. Please let your kid(s) know how much you love them. They love to hear it no matter how many times you say it.

In Christ,

Paul McKee
Youth Pastor